.stephanie.lee.nicole. (stephie_nhbg) wrote,

She's standing in the ashes at the end of the world, four winds blowing through her hair.

Wow, I've really been absent from livejournal since Texas, like I've only checked my f-list once. It's weird, because my online life has kind of been my sanity for the past six years, so this is a sort of update post. I guess.

I'll start with the reason I left Texas. My Grandmother died on May 21st, and so I was shuffled to my Aunt's house for that weekend and went to the zoo and museum with my Uncle, my cousin Brian and his daughters Brittany and Rylee that Saturday and then we (Uncle Fred, Me, Brian, and Rylee) took the thirteen hour road trip from Houston to Panama City, Florida for Granny's funeral. Honestly the whole week was fairly awful, other than making sandcastles with my best friend, she's 17 years younger than me and gives the best hugs in the family in my honest opinion. Hopefully she (aka Rylee) and Brian still come down in July.

Since I've been back I just haven't wanted to deal with fandom, it just feels like a huge fucking mountain I have to climb and I'm so fucking burnt out. and I'm sorry I've just dropped off the face of the earth. It doesn't help that I don't have a phone anymore either because my blackberry only shows the hourglass of doom and freezes all the time so I just turn it off. It also doesn't help that I live in hell. And I want to tell you all about it, because it hurts to keep all this hurt and anger caged up inside all the time but if I start that I'll start crying and I won't stop. Because it doesn't matter how old you are, if you're ten or fifty or twenty, it's never easy to come to the realization that your family hates you.

I really just want to cry right now, because I don't have any good news to tell you all. I'm on the verge of being disowned from my family, and from being kicked out of the house. My 2nd favorite Uncle died May 28th but we didn't get to go to the funeral. I can't find a job, and I would rather stick a light saber into my eye than be in my house for one more day. I'll update more later because the only things I can think of are complaints.
Tags: disappointments, family, feelings
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